We call you Bearcat, because your Mommy is Big Rock Cat, and Daddy is a California Honey Bear.
We call you The Milk Monster, because as a newborn you used to get awful mad when you were hungry.
We call you Koala Baby, because of the way you fall asleep on Daddy's shoulder.
We call you Snug-a-Bug, because you like to be cozy and tucked in.
We call you Dragon Baby, because you were born in the year of the Dragon. Also, you make funny dragon-like noises sometimes.
We call you Little Old Man, because your hair is sparse and when you wrinkle your brow you look like one.
We call you many names in Bulgarian too. Ти си Рижко, Чочко, Джончо, Млекожаден, Фин Млечен, Гугличка, и най-вече БУЖУНЧЕ. It seems that your sweetest names are all in Bulgarian.
Your real name, however, is John Anthony Pfeiffer V.
You may wonder why we gave you such a long and serious name. Mommy and Daddy might be a pair of adventurous, pleasantly eccentric, counter culture parents, but we are also all about tradition when it comes to family. You see, your Great-Great-Grandfather was Johann Anton Pfeiffer. He came to this country from Germany, or perhaps from Austria, and named his firstborn son after him. That became John Anthony Pfeiffer here in America. Your Great-Grandfather too decided to call his firstborn son John Anthony Pfeiffer junior. Then, in turn, your Grandpa called your Daddy John Anthony Pfeiffer IV.
And now here you are, Johnny V.
In a family of so many Pfeiffers you are the only baby John, because you carry the name forward. It's a big deal. You might say that you are a prince of sorts. Still, you might decide one day that your name is a bit too common or plain. If that happens, consider this: we might have called you Ario Journey Felix Cree, or something similarly cruel, but we didn't because we love you way too much.
|That is you, trying to figure out the family tree.|
P.S. We're still working on your Native American name.