January 22, 2013

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

~ Laurence J. Peter

Dear Johnny,

You are, not unlike your Mommy, quite anti-social.  You choose your friends carefully and you are very critical of the people you let close to yourself.  I think that's a good thing.  You see people for who they really are, and superficiality or phoniness just don't do.  So, when you finally like someone, you really like them.  Our neighbor Parisa is one of those people.  You seem to have made a special connection with her, and I take every opportunity for you and her to get together on a playdate.  We went to the park yesterday, and we had a blast.  I wish all of your days to be as sunny and bright and clear and fun, Johnny.  I truly do.

Big Brother

Dear Johnny,

It seems that you were born just yesterday, but the truth is, soon enough you won't be the baby of the family anymore; you'll be the Big Brother!  That's right - Mommy and Daddy are going to have another impossibly cute, über smart, and endlessly sweet little bearcat - only, of course, we'll come up with the appropriate unique animal combination when he or she is born.  We dearly hope that the new baby will be a girl, so aside of having the most attractive Pfeiffer boy, we'd also have the prettiest Pfeiffer girl...yet it's going to be awesome if it's another boy, too.  Hell, we'd be over the moon if it's twins!  Either way, Johnny, you'll have a companion and someone to share your  toys with.

I am overwhelmed with joy, Johnny, and although you don't yet understand the meaning of all this, I am sure that you'll do great.  I can tell by the authoritative way you mess up my kitchen - you'll be the coolest Big Brother, who knows all the interesting games, and is tricky enough to egg you onto getting the trouble, while possibly getting away by blaming you for it.

You tried to pin this on the cat, but luckily for me I wasn't born yesterday :)

January 20, 2013

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

~Frederick Douglass

Dear Johnny,

This weekend we went to a friend's birthday party, and when I saw you among the many other baby guests, I realized for the first time in my life, that you are truly an exceptional little guy.  You see, Johnny, I am not the kind of Mom who meets up with other Mommies in Mommy groups to discuss their babies, mainly because I do not like to compare you to anyone else.  We might live in a social bubble, but I think this is actually doing you a favor.  It turns out that you are not just ahead of most other baby boys your age.  You are making them look...undeveloped and rather stupid.  I hate to say this, but it also makes them look very, very unattractive.  You are at least 4 inches taller than them, you almost walk while they are still struggling to crawl, you babble and you are interested in the world while they are just sitting there, uncomprehending.  I don't know why is that, Johnny - I simply gave birth to you and I give you all of the love I am capable of since - and I have no idea how we lucked out with such an advanced, sweet, and good looking baby.  I can only take credit for a fraction of it...and I am grateful for the rest.  I don't want to compare you to other babies, I don't want to be too proud, I don't want to have unhealthily high expectations.  I just want to enjoy the wonderful companionship you give us, Johnny, and to keep supporting you on your way up.  You are the best, because you are you.  And that's enough for me.

Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it.

Dear Johnny,

You are a good boy.  You truly are.  You're considerate and kind and gentle and sweet, and you prefer interesting games over wild games, but at the end of the day you are a boy, and boys tend to be hard to handle.  Boys are physical and active, and they want to constantly climb and wrestle, to take things apart, to drive things around, to chase and to yell their heads off.  I can't hide that sometimes this is just too much for me.  You see, I like to build things, and to engage in quiet, calm activities with you, but you lose interest after awhile and then it's yelling and climbing and wrestling all over again.

I put together a list of the things you like to do that are fairly tolerable and don't involve pulled muscles or punctured eardrums on my part:

1. You like to watch Shelby and Shakespeare flirt, and you like singing to them.  I don't know what your song really means, but I imagine it goes something like this:

Shelby and Shakespeare

Sitting on the windowsill

Staring at each other uncomfortably

First comes a sniff

Then comes a lick

And then Shelby ends up with a box full of kittens.

(this is not winning any poetry awards but hey, you are not yet 9 months old)

2. You like to take walks outside that begin with you riding in the stroller, and end up with you driving the stroller.

Because some babies are just THAT cool.

3.  You like to fish two particular toys out of the pile - the heart and peace-sign teethers, and to chew on them until the entire room is practically covered in drool.  Literally nothing can diverge you from that kind of fun, but I guess that seven teeth are not grown by being easily distracted.  It takes consistency and real character.  

4. You like to ride on your Daddy's shoulders.  Enough said.

5. You like to go shopping with me and to intimidate people by giving them long questioning looks.  You also like to play with the groceries I buy and to nibble on the squash.